It has been nearly two and a half weeks since I am by myself in our new flat. Rob went back to UK to take more driving lessons and to earn a bit more money for us to live here while we figure things out.
That day when he was leaving I walked him to the bus stop to the city, we came early to just chill, get mentally prepared for the trip as some of you know how anxious you can get before traveling , always thinking if you have everything you need for the trip, are you on time for the bus ect ,ect , so we were there quite some time before. And to be fare just so we could cuddle and say goodbye to each other properly. This for us was going to be a bit of a challenge as in these six years since we are together we have never spent more than couple days away from each other, we are so close that we never really want to spend any time apart. The whole time I we were waiting for that bus I had to be really strong, to hold back any tears, I didn’t want him to go but I knew that he is doing this for us so i told myself get your emotions in line girl, you got this! After some time the bus came we said our goodbyes, had the longest, tightest hugs and kisses and he got on the bus. I stood there outside, nearly breaking down in tears, waving and sending air kisses. The bus went. I started walking home with tears falling down my cheeks, I already missed him so much. I got my earphones out and put on music and walked home in the dark by the beach. First night was quite hard for me, I definitely had separation anxiety, I felt so uneasy at home alone especially as we just lived here together for a bit over a week. I woke up that night with such a weird feeling that something is not right, I turned around to just see that the space next to me in bed is empty, and all the feelings from previous evening came back, it really was hard, lately we have been so close, even closer that usually, i felt like I have fallen in love all over again, and now it felt like I lost him…after rolling around the bed for some time I drifted back to sleep. After having some couple hours more sleep I woke up again I got myself together and started to plan my day out. To not go too much into details of every day I will try to summarise what I was doing most days.
Some days i was going out to run, do a bit of exercising, having long walks by the beach and to be fair most of all just trying to keep myself busy so I wouldn’t think so much how I miss him. Now that I have more free time, for now, I’ve been picking up video making, of course it’s in an amateur level but I have been really enjoying it. If you are interested to see what I have created I did add instagram link on my profile. With more time in my hands i’m taking more photos as it used to be one of my biggest passions as a kid. For the following 2019 I wish I could be able to buy a photo camera so I could make them in better quality and maybe one day make prints and get them in some art gallery, that would be a dream come true!
Last days coming towards the end of my time being alone I have come to some realisations: first one is that being alone is definitely a necessity, it can be a time when you can just be you, one of my favourite saying is “ dance like nobody is watching” because as humans in todays society we have been forced or brainwashed to fit a certain model which sometimes or most times can be really hard, with all the fitness goals and pressure to be have a ‘good’ job , family and a bought house, can be so stressful, so when we are alone we can just simply let go of all that and be ourselves and
my second realisation was that when being alone it made me connect more with myself, like who am I as a person, what do I like to do, because when you are in a long term relationship you often pick up other halves interests, likes, hobbies, but while I was by myself I had time to reflect on myself, because of moving and not having a job i haven’t developed a routine so to come up with things to do every day was a bit challenging. Now when im looking back on that time id like to think that I have grown a bit and have learnt a thing or two about myself. For those of you who are in along term relationship, I do suggest to take a break from each other from time to time, it really gives a fresh breath of air in the relationship. Lets be more kind, caring and loving towards each other the last weeks of 2018. and the following year of 2019. Wishing you warm holidays! Lots of love and light to all of you!
Eve xxx
Thinking out loud 